Sometimes it scares me how much I think about suicide

I just want it all to end. I've had enough.

Kyllä on aina niin kiva palata kotiin.
Äiti muistutti jo autossa paluumatkalla miten saamaton paska olen.
Taitaa loppua viiltelylakko tänä iltana ihan kotiinpaluun kunniaks.

Please make it stop. Please God.

Looking in the mirror and wanting to cry so badly.
Wishing that next morning when it's time to wake up -you won't.
Wanting to just not to exist anymore.

Muistan kun vielä hymyilin

Tivolitkaan ei saa mua nauramaan

eikä sirkus tai sata hattaraa

I would say I'm okay, but I'm done lying

I'm so lost

"Are you happy?" "I don't even remember what that means anymore."

my biggest dream right now

That moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest for being so anxious

It's ironic we use pain to relieve pain

Can't do this anymore

Yes I'm smiling, but in the inside I'm dying

One month clean

For every wound there is a scar, 

and every scar tells a story.

A story that says "I have survived"

Feeling down

Mun ihan oikeesti pitäs erakoitua.

Muitten ihmisten näkemisestä seuraa oikeesti vaan paskaa.

Olin vaihteeks jo melkei tyytyväinen peilikuvaani.

Kunnes tänään kavereitten kanssa huomasin miten paska oon kaikkiin muihin verrattuna.

Oon kaikkia lihavempi.

Oon kaikkia rumempi.

Oon sosiaalisesti paskempi kun kukaan muu.

Muut on hauskoja ja huumorintajusia.

Mut mää oon vaan mää.

Eikä se tosiasia muutu mihinkään.

ja ps vittu kun haluaisin vaan viillellä

Let's go back in time when you tought I was normal and happy person without problems

We all want someone to notice, but as soon as they do, we wish they never did.

I want to live, not just survive

Recovery from depression is an evolution, not a sudden miracle.

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

Just remember that healing takes time.

Luotu epäonnistumaan

Tajusin just paskoneeni täysin yhen mulle tärkeimmistä ihmissuhteista mun ongelmillani.

Jos vaan oisin jaksanu esittää vähän kovemmin, pitää kuorta ylläni vähän tiukemmin ja tekohymyillä vähän enemmän, kaikki ois vieläkin ennallaan.

Nice to be home again

School is stressing me out

My weight is stressing me out

Anxiety is stressing me out

My fucking stress is stressing me out

24 days clean

I should get a medal or something

I wake up every morning wishing I didn't

I wonder what it's like

to wake up and love yourself

to look in the mirror and not want to cry

to weigh yourself, see the number and not want to puke

to be with friends and not feel ugly

to go into public and not be insecure

to go shopping for clothes and not feel fat

I just wonder;

what it's like to love your life

Omena päivässä pitää läskin loitolla.

Kunhan ei syö muuta kun sen omenan.

So tired of tears

I guess

after all

this thing

called "life"

isn't

the my thing

Darling, you're so fat

take me somewhere far from here

You silly, silly girl..

You really tought for a while you was okay?

Silly.

I want to die.

I want to cut.

I want to cry.

I want to never eat again.