Had a bad day again

For other girls "having a bad day" means that you're tired, irritated, small things make you lose your mind, you're unsocial and hate everyone.

For me, bad day means this:

I don't want to live.

Getting up from the bed is hard as fuck.

I feel desperate.

I lose all the hope. I seriously believe that depression will last forever.

I hate myself. Looking to the mirror without crying is HARD.

Actually doing anything with no crying is hard. I'm overthinking and there's a 3rd World War going on in my head. I spend my breaks sitting on the toilet floor crying and wondering how am I supposed to go to the next class after couple minutes and everyone can see I've been crying.

I want to cut so, so, so badly. It's almost impossible not to.

I feel like I just want to go to my bed, take only a blade with me and stay there forever cutting myself and hateing myself.

Whenever I see a car or walk over a bridge or something like that there's a second when I want to jump and kill myself so badly that for a while I actually think that I'll do that. Then I tell myself not to.